The California Years

Food thought

2009-06-03T21:12:00.000-07:00

Quote from today's setting captives free:

12 All things are lawful for me, but all things are not helpful. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any. 13 Foods for the stomach and the stomach for foods, but God will destroy both it and them. 1 Corinthians 6:12-13

In the above passage, Paul applies this teaching (of liberty in our choices) directly to eating. He said, "Foods for the stomach and the stomach for foods, but God will destroy both it and them." In other words, both food and the stomach are temporary. Therefore, let us not expend energy thinking about food; that is, counting calories, reading labels, or fixating on food in any other manner. It is far more important that we consider how we may fatten up our souls than it is how we may slim down our bodies. Jesus said, "Give no thought for what you will eat or drink..." (Matthew 6:25) Food and our physical bodies are temporary. Eat in moderation: enjoy what you eat, and then get on with what is truly of value--pursuing intimacy with Jesus Christ.

11 days to go

2009-05-27T22:29:00.000-07:00

Well well well. I won't even try to explain a lack of correspondence, but just jump right in. The verse at the top of the page refers to my continual desire to drop teaching and hit the road. Unbelievably I will be hitting the road in a month. After so many highs and lows (you know that I mean that literally if you've ever been in a LifeGroup at CLC) I am getting ready to leave the California years behind me. I was telling Simon tonight, for the first time in my life I feel like I am about to follow through on a well thought out decision. Mostly before direction came as a culmination of many events or the obvious outcome of circumstances. Now as I am about to marry the man better than the one I dreamed of, and join him in the green countryside of Austria I am so happy to say that I am doing exactly what I want to be doing. We've prayed, we've waited, we've changed, we've planned, we've submitted and now we begin. So at this ending, is a great beginning.

I may post more before I leave California and eventually I may start another blog, and if I do I will leave the link here. If not, keep praying for me and send me an email every now and then.

Blessings in the God who keeps His Word!

Its from Grandma Mary, it must be true!

2009-03-02T22:46:00.000-08:00

Revelation 3:8 (New International Version)

8I know your deeds. See, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut. I know that you have little strength, yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name.

My Grandmother prayed when I was born that I would come to know Jesus as Lord.
She prayed last spring that God would provide a door alternate to the Cache.
So now she is sending me this scripture, like Timothy I am trying to emulate the faith of my grandmother right now and believe God for this open door. I don't know exactly what door may be open, but I am praying for the eyes to see it.

Ephesians 1 tells us to have faith that is intelligent and discerning, if God commands it I believe he will make it so for those who claim the promise. Oh that I would be able to discern the open door in a time of little strength...

Overwhelmed by love!

2009-02-28T17:21:00.001-08:00

Thank you all so much for sharing your well wishing! It is so great to know that people I haven't seen in so long are happy for Simon and I. It was really neat to even get a couple of messages from residents and former coworkers from Russell Hall! To hear from people literally around the globe, saying congratulations and best wishes, wow what a blessing!

I have also been amazed at how supportive friends and family have been here, in Georgia and in Austria. It has been such a great picture of how our marriage will not be something we accomplish alone, but through Christ in the context of supportive community. Thank God for his faithfulness! Thank you all for your friendship and caring!

I'm what?

2009-02-25T18:05:00.000-08:00

That's right. Courtesy of Elias this post shall be modeled after the first time I told you all about Simon! I just got back from Austria and while I was there Simon and I got engaged! So I am Mrs. Freischlad to be :)

He actually managed to surprise me by catching me in a laid back moment. He asked casually if it mattered how romantic the timing or place of his proposal was. I of course said no, and then was surprised to see him reach for his pocket! I started crying before he even made it to one knee, but he did get there and I tearfully, joyfully said yes when he asked me to marry him. It was a perfect and simple moment, hopefully this is a foreshadowing of our life together?

Also, by surprising me early Simon freed us up to really enjoy our special evening out and surprise trip to the symphony! You want to see the happy couple you say? Okay!

One-the art of relationship

2009-01-17T21:11:00.000-08:00

We've got to unite ourselves as one body. Because Jesus is coming back, and he's coming back for a bride, not a harem.
-a gospel preacher as quoted by Shane Claiborne in The Irresistible Revolution

John Chapter 17

Jesus Prays for All Believers
20"My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, 21that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. 22I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one: 23I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.

John Chapter 13

34"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. 35By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."

Its all about love. Everything in life is about relationships. Your relationship to God and your relationship to others. God chooses to use our love as the testimony to call the world to faith.

Love is hard. We can be the unlovable and yet we often love ourselves so much that we don't have love leftover to share.

Healthy relationships require trust. Trust is a product of time. Trusting others and having others who trust us. Who can be trusted? When we have seen so much abuse of trust, it seems impossible to know who is trustworthy. We have all been betrayed in trust, because we all let each other down. We must forgive immediately, but it is godly to allow time to regrow trust.We all long for someone we can trust, bare our soul and be known. We long to be trusted, it is a great compliment and responsibility. We have a God-placed longing to be trustworthy, because where love prevails trust grows. To create helathy relationships our part is to be someone who can be trusted.

Healthy relationships require respect. Respect has to be earned. Can you see yourself on the same trajectory, and do you value and respect the choices and direction that person chooses?

Healthy relationships require empathy. We must pay attention to the effect we have on others. Spiritual maturity is not just about doctrine and knowledge, it is about empathy. This is a byproduct of intimacy with God, when you connect with God you begin to care deeply about people. Jesus in us teaches us how to love and makes us aware of how our lives effect other people. A person who lacks empathy is someone whose emotions are completely focused on their own experience. Heal relationships by giving yourself away to others.

This is love, more than an nice word, it is demonstrated by these characteristics and so many more. Love is miraculous. It is the proof of God.

Let's learn to live out love, in community and all the world will know.

Goals and Visions

2009-01-12T19:54:00.000-08:00

Psalm 119:11
I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.

I read a message from John Piper at the beginning of the month that talked about the necessity and benefit of committing scripture to memory. I really want to be able to stand before Jesus and say, "I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you." I have seen passages and verses that I memorized years ago resurfacing in my prayers and conversations as I have turned my thoughts toward this. I don't by any means want to be some foreign creature that can't relate to anyone because all I do is quote Bible at you all the time. But I do believe there are so many biblical perspectives that do improve your every day outlook, and that it is easier to stand in positive scripture than postive thoughts I am trying to conjure on my own.

So, with the new year a new passage. God has spoken to me much through Isaiah 58 this past year, and I am confident there is more there than I have yet understood. I am memorizing the version that I read and prayed through this year, "The Message". It is a paraphrase that comes from the original language and attempts to preserve the tone and integrity of the message more than a word for word translation. If you've not read any of it you check look up your favorite passages (or mine for this year!) at www.biblegateway.com . The Piper message that I referred to can be found on desiringGod.org . Hope I have encouraged someone to think twice about hiding some Bible in your heart this year!

Please laugh at my life

2008-12-15T19:05:00.000-08:00

Me: "Student A" was suspended 2 days for spitting
we'll see how he does tomorrow

anna: the spitting you mentioned?

me: yeah he spit on an austistic kid
then "Student X" spit on another kid in my class
who then wiped it on his pants but preceded to threaten everyone with the germs
5th grade
man its rich
can't make this stuff up

anna: you really cant
its bizarre
and hilarious

I feel it in my fingers...

2008-12-10T22:41:00.000-08:00

Christmas time is in full swing here in Nor cal!

Last night we had the annual caroling on the wharf in Santa Cruz, complete with fake snow! We sang carols for a little over an hour as the temperature crept downward for us standing essentially on top of the water. It was so great to sing with a big group of people and a lot of folks from outside CLC came which was super.

Further evidence of advent season: I started wearing my candy cane pajamas a week ago, the Christmas trees arrived in the parking lot where I carpool from, the Christmas tree farm on the way to work has diminishing stock, the Nutcracker is being performed at ADB tonight, tomorrow night and Friday during school, my kids did math problems that led them to color in a festive holiday bell, Mom and I started talking about reduced spending increased giving for Christmas this year...I could go on but I'll stop there.

Hope you enjoyed my recollection of all things pre-Christmas in my part of the world. Remember that Jesus loved us enough to come down from heaven to be with us, so maybe I'll get off some of my high horses this month. My church is doing this thing called advent conspiracy right now, the last act in the conspiracy is "Love all", how revolutionary at Christmas. Go love someone, I'm about to.

2 months later

2008-12-06T00:50:00.001-08:00

Sorry guys...I forgot that I had a blog.

Hmm, update on the main ideas of my part of the grand story...things are going great with Simon. It is pretty amazing to be in love! I love getting to know him and growing to adore him more every time we talk. I always think I can't be more amazed or satisfied, and then he does or says something that blows all my expectations out of the water again.

Work is going okay. Its a complete roller coaster! Monday morning I felt like I had the first lesson where I actually enjoyed teaching, and then every afternoon this week made me want to pull my hair out. I am making progress on the control front though, I think. Instead of stewing on my inability to control them (not necessarily a bad thing?) I get frustrated and get over it. A much quicker cycle than before. I hope raising children is nothing like teaching, but I am not so confident that hope will be met! I think I still want children one day...right?

Seriously though it is fun getting to know them more, growing into their personalities. Not as fun with the turning into middle schoolers drama. But you take the bad with the good, and they really can be great kids.

There have been other things going on too, November was a series of short trips one after the other so I am trying to veg a little bit this month. In 2 weeks I will go home for a short Christmas break and come back to CA to head off to Mexico for a mission trip. I am feeling marvellously unprepared since I have been out of town for every trip meeting so far. While in Georgia I will have a very special guest! The one, the only: Simon Freischlad. So if you've been wondering about the mysterious Austrian and how much like Arnold he is, call me or write me to get in the loop!

I hope this post has been magnificently enlightening and tolerable. I'll work on more creativity next time?

Side note: I did award Wonder Wolf Awards for Excellence today to 2 students who showed, and I quote "Notable creativity in persuasive correspondance". It was a mouthful, but it made me laugh if no one else. Suffice it to say one of the winners explained to the president that he should be the pardoned turkey because he has the smoothest, least annoying "Gobble" in the land. I'd pardon him!

Finally at the airport again

2008-10-16T16:38:00.000-07:00

Is this a sickness I have? If I go to long without being at the airport I start to feel aimless and claustrophobic. There is something soothing for me about passing through the security check points and the random conversations you have with people along the way. Today I got a cookie from the people I shared the airport shuttle with! It is almost as if everyone is more open when they are traveling. We are all locked together in this transition phase, so we might as well enjoy the little things together.

I am thrilled especially since I am waiting to go to Austin and see 2 of my favorite women in the world. This weekend will surely be a whirlwind, but I am praying that I'll be able to savor every minute of it. It has been so long since I have seen Yen and Kirsten that I would probably be content just to have a 3 day slumber party! There is so much going on that I think the only sleepless night of catching up all together will be Friday. But Jen has promised to take me to the only Waffle House in Austin (I know you are jealous if you are reading this Bobby). There have been many good times at Waffle Houses in the past, and there are at least a few memories of catching up about boy stories at Waffle Houses across Georgia, so I feel like it is a fitting place to finally get to share all about my wonderful Simon :)

In some ways my relationship still feels like a dream because none of "my girls" are really in on the journey. It has been only 2 months now that Simon and I have been "in a relationship" and it is really fun to be able to see the ways we are growing to understand each other more. When we first met I was so crazy about him I couldn't even imagine things getting better or being more amazed by him; of course now 2 months later seeing the difference only makes me so excited to continue getting to know him more.

That's as deep into my thought life as you get to venture today! I'm off to mess with Texas!

At a loss for words...

2008-10-04T00:57:00.000-07:00

When you can't say it, look in the Bible. God probably already gave the words to someone else. Simon mentioned this passage a long time ago, and I think my eyes were blind to it because I needed to see these words brand new, right now. I have been pretty frustrated at work, wishing I was somewhere else, but for now I am here. So I guess I'll bear the burden and keep reminding myself that God is shaping my character. I know I want strong character that looks like Jesus, even if I don't say so in the moment. So God, if it takes a flood to wash my junk away, bring on the rain.

Lamentations 3:19-33

19 I remember my affliction and my wandering,
the bitterness and the gall.

20 I well remember them,
and my soul is downcast within me.

21 Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:

22 Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.

23 They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.

24 I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him."

25 The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;

26 it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.

27 It is good for a man to bear the yoke
while he is young.

28 Let him sit alone in silence,
for the LORD has laid it on him.

29 Let him bury his face in the dust—
there may yet be hope.

30 Let him offer his cheek to one who would strike him,
and let him be filled with disgrace.

31 For men are not cast off
by the Lord forever.

32 Though he brings grief, he will show compassion,
so great is his unfailing love.

33 For he does not willingly bring affliction
or grief to the children of men.

PS: for you worriers out there, this is all about work and nothing about Simon. He still comes through as my Prince Charming more and more every day. I recognize that Lia will insert *gag* here, but she loves me anyways, and its true so I'm going to say it.

Recap

2008-09-20T22:16:00.000-07:00

Umm, I guess I've been too busy to blog?

This week I've thrown myself headlong into my students, starting some tutoring, parent phone calls and my first home visit. Tomorrow I'll be planning after church so hopefully I can continue using my on campus time to be with my lovelies. They are making me crazy but in a different way from last year...they are still learning, but they can learn more. I'll keep you updated.

Last weekend Simon was here, which was pretty great. We had a really nice time complete with some ups and downs. It was so much fun to even have to deal with each other's little quirks :) I love getting to know him more and it was really fun to share some of my life with him. Approval was expressed on both sides (Simon of the friends and the friends of Simon) and we even snuck in a Skype call with my parents.

The week before Simon came is pretty much a blur, all I could think about all the time was that I was really going to get to see him!

So now the countdown is at 62 days or so until he comes back, and I have lots of little breaks planned so if I survive the 4.5 weeks until I get to go see Yen in Austin then the rest of the semester is going to fly by! I can't believe it.

Today I spent a lot of time reflecting on the Cache and finally started reading the book that Tom had recommended. It is very good, but also a little heavy and reads like a reference book. But it is really good to let my head wrap around the facts and injustices again and start looking towards next steps now that things are settling down a little with the school year. I am praying about my application with IT right now and what all that should look like, let me know if you want more details about how to pray with me.

Blessings and peace in the name of our Lord Jesus :)

Foiled

2008-09-01T22:51:00.000-07:00

It is now almost 11pm, that's right 1 hour after I wanted to go to bed. It took me 2 hours to outsmart my computer/printer but I am finally putting my class picture in my bag for tomorrow and going to sleep. Take a gander at the children who will surely inspire and infuriate me over the next 10 months.

Printing this photo=slightly infuriating experience number 1.

Actually this is the crazy photo, I printed the posed one for the sake of order in the classroom :)

The Long Weekend

2008-09-01T20:07:00.000-07:00

Ah. The sigh of relief after a much needed extra day in the weekend. I can't imagine how many weekends this year I will be saying, "I just need one more day in the weekend!" So for this weekend I was able to enjoy talking to my boyfriend twice, spending a day with Angie and Elias, a delightful lunch with my CLC lunch buddies, finishing my Math long term plan and setting myself up to finish ELA, a labor day barbeque, a game of UNO, a shopping trip, an afternoon at Panera and an evening at home. All my materials are sorted and the copies that I need to make set up. I feel like I am actually walking into this week with a smile on my face (and only 9 more days until I get to see Simon!!!)

That is quite worthy of a sigh of relief.

I am off to eat some more chicken salad (you'll have to ask Jess or Simon about that one) and maybe watch some Top Model or Scrubs. And hopefully in bed by 10:00!!

And my first phrase in German is a perfectly fitting closing:

Schlaf mit den Engelein :-)

I forgot about the time warp

2008-08-22T22:51:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it has only been a week since I last posted, I am pretty sure this week has been an eternity long! Lots of training monday, lots of district people tuesday, Jes helped me in my classroom wednesday, students began on thursday, survived the day today with much more gusto than day 2 last year. My teacher voice emerged when the students were messing around lining up to go in, I couldn't remember how to get it until they really started making poor choices, and voila! Teacher voice!

Tomorrow I think will be jam packed between my long awaited chance to talk to Simon, structuring a very tight schedule for the week and nailing down year long focuses. I am sadly passing on a chance to go for a nail beautifying fest, but I think I will be glad I did so on Monday. And Sunday. I am going to try for Sunday being my day of rest this week, if it doesn't work out I'll try Saturday next week...of course that weekend will have THREE days!! Last year I found it was so important to set aside one day to really just be God's day and no work, I just don't remember which day I settled on.

I am so tired right now I am considering making tomorrow my Sabbath day of rest!!

You have a what?!?!

2008-08-17T20:20:00.000-07:00

Well, the time has come for me to make my grand confession.

God gave me a lot more than confirmation about working with the Cache while I was in Austria. He also gave me a brand new relationship with an amazing guy who is madly in love with Jesus. That's right, I am saying it, I have a boyfriend :)

Meet Simon!

For those of you who haven't been walking through the last month with me, this has been a crazy and wonderful gift. I never thought I would be attempting to begin a relationship with an ocean (and several countries) in between. But after getting to know each other and seeing how much joy we can have in talking and even emailing, it seems that I have found myself happily in the middle of a relationship!

Ah, I feel like I have let out a breath I have been holding for a month and now I can include the great things Simon is adding to my life in my periodical bloggings :) For today, I will tell you that I am still enjoying the roses that he sent me on Tuesday!

If you want to know more, just ask, I'll talk about him all day long if you'd like. With a huge smile on my face the whole time :D

Versed...working on the well

2008-08-12T01:02:00.000-07:00

Why hello my dear friends. I write to you with 5 more days of Math professional development under my belt and I am now certifiably progressing towards expertise in California mathematics. Yes, I separated our math from the rest on purpose. I don't know exactly what the purpose is except to propose that CA math and True math may or may not be mutually exclusive. Anyways, totally not the reason I was posting!

I got my classroom keys today and hopefully I will be going into my classroom with incredible organizational vision tomorrow! I had a good phone conversation today recentering me on why I even care to have organization, so that is a thanks to Simon for re-energizing me! After working at school I came home and worked a little more and then read this hilarious children's book I picked up. I think it is too old for my class, but I recommend it to you: "The Schwa was here". Can't I reference books with pictures in here somehow?? Help me if you know a better way than I did that...

So then I talked to jen for an hour and a half, always a highlight :) AND THEN, I went to see Wall-e. Suffice to say I loved it. I hope you go see it. And love it too. Sooner rather than later. Go.

Jesus didn't mess around

2008-07-31T11:18:00.000-07:00

I am reading Luke these days and this morning I was particularly struck by a few times where Jesus is quite clear about what He expects from those who follow Him. Several of the passages in Luke chapter 13 surprised by, but especially this one. The sentence that originally caught me is in bold, but if you have a second read the whole thing. This gives me, and I hope maybe you too, something new to think about today. I'd love to hear thoughts; okay happy reading:

23-25A bystander said, "Master, will only a few be saved?"

Jesus said, "Whether few or many is none of your business. Put your mind on your life with God. The way to life—to God!—is vigorous and requires your total attention. A lot of you are going to assume that you'll sit down to God's salvation banquet just because you've been hanging around the neighborhood all your lives. Well, one day you're going to be banging on the door, wanting to get in, but you'll find the door locked and the Master saying, 'Sorry, you're not on my guest list.'

26-27"You'll protest, 'But we've known you all our lives!' only to be interrupted with his abrupt, 'Your kind of knowing can hardly be called knowing. You don't know the first thing about me.'

28-30"That's when you'll find yourselves out in the cold, strangers to grace. You'll watch Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, and all the prophets march into God's kingdom. You'll watch outsiders stream in from east, west, north, and south and sit down at the table of God's kingdom. And all the time you'll be outside looking in—and wondering what happened. This is the Great Reversal: the last in line put at the head of the line, and the so-called first ending up last."

Uncertainty

2008-07-29T14:26:00.000-07:00

As I flew over the Sierra Nevada yesterday and realized that I was actually returning to Silicon Valley and the land of Garlic I had a very strange clash of emotions. I had a strange inner dialogue that more or less went like this:

Shawna, start crying! Go! It is time to freak out!
"no it's okay, its just life"
But Shawna, remember, you are trapped. Ahhhhhh! Stuck, you know.
"But there are things to do and learn here"
I guess you are right...okay I'll leave you alone.

Maybe some of you don't argue with yourself, but the appearance of this other voice was quite a triumph, or maybe better stated a gift. So I landed and Chris picked me up, and it was really good to see her and she and Scott invited me to stay a while. We talked and then watched a movie, and it was really nice to remember that there are good things here. And especially if I really believe that I am leaving I need to get busy enjoying them for the next year.

Today has not been as encouraging as far as contentment here. Jess is gone so I have been alone all day, which I think is good for me. I am fasting, and hitting the point in the day where I say...why I am I doing this again? It isn't that I am that hungry, I think it is really just habit and maybe even boredom. My goal today was to get here again. I mean I know I arrived yesterday, but mentally it takes a lot of adjustment to really be here. I find myself wanting to talk to others or at least know that I will be able to talk to them, rather than just listening to God. I think this is my mind rebelling, but then again I feel like God and I are pretty in sync right now. Maybe there is some crazy revelation around the corner that will revolutionize my year, but I think it is more like I just need to take a day to dwell in His faithfulness and remember what He looks like.

So I am off to the grocery store for a short break--yes I am fasting and going grocery shopping, I have to have breakfast for tomorrow--and then the plan is go on over to Santa Cruz and find a beach to sit on. Which reminds me I need to grab a towel...

En resumen

2008-07-17T03:02:00.000-07:00

Wow, I can´t believe that I just spent 12 days in Austria. The entire experience was kind of dreamlike; from the very beginning it felt like I had always been there and always would be. I am definitely facing the questions that linger after you have been somehwere new and experienced so many new things.

Will I be able to keep in touch with my new friends?
Will I still be able to find purpose in my work at home?
Will God use this time to redirect me again?
Will I be able to go back? Do I even want to, because it couldn´t be the same?

And a million more questions, but as far as these questions are concerned...I have confidence that God is using even such a short time to shape my perspective. I don´t know how I will keep in touch but I believe that it will be possible, if for no other reason than now I cannot walk away without continuing to lift up the Oasis and team in prayer. If any of you lovely Austrian folk are reading this, please take the hint that I expect an email at the very least and you can look me up on skype. I think maybe I will be able to at least visit the Oasis again, but really I am trying not to worry because only God knows if I will even see tomorrow. I pray that in this time I stored up treasures in heaven and loved the least of these with a love that honors our Father. I think the only way I will be able to find purpose at home is to apply the same principles of ministry that I learned here to my students. So if you are the type that likes to keep people accountable, ask me which students I am praying for and remind me that even teaching is the work of the Lord because he also has sheep in the flock of my school.

So I apologize that in the end you are walking away from my blog knowing very little of what happened in Austria and only how I am working through it. If you want details you know how much I love to talk, especially about things that I love. And I can describe my feelings about the Cache in no other way than the deep deep love of Jesus.

I´ll talk all day long about them if you like, and yesterday I did so in Spanish even, so just call and press 1 for english 2 for spanish :) if you press 3 the story in German consists only of "hello", "goodbye", "please", "thank you" and "please a spicy chicken kebap". 4 for Russian consists of only "excuse me", "please", "thank you", and "wouldn´t you like something to drink"(courtesy of Learn Russian while you drive). 5 for Cache would be very short: "thank you", "how are you?", "good".

Thanks for reading...
Ah-ti-ke (good bye in Cache)

Update, finally...

2008-07-15T14:12:00.000-07:00

Hey all, I wish I could say that I was sorry for not writing more often during my time in Austria, but I have been so busy that I don't think I could have given up one moment of that time to write instead. Even now I am only writing for as long as Eileen is doing something else because I don't want to lose any time with her.

In this time the team has become very dear to me and I hope that I have a chance to share stories and photos with those who are interested. Thank you for your prayers, my Cache friend from last monday did come again yesterday and we were able to connect again. It was so great to give her the CD we had talked about and I will be purchasing a copy of "the bends" from radiohead myself when I arrive home. I think even in such a short time God really used me to bless her.

I feel that He is definitely affirming His love for the Cache people and that He has planted that in me. As I go on to Madrid and then London and then back to Georgia please pray that God would grant me peace that in His time I will see where to go. The Cache are a beautiful people and my heart is so broken to see Jesus lifted high among them, pray that He would reveal Himself to more and more of them.

Blessings in the God who Saves!

Ministry begins

2008-07-08T13:05:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the first day I was able to meet Cache women and they were such a blessing along with an arab woman that I met. It was so nice to try and make conversation and find out about their families and share language experiences despite not knowing each other's languages or anything in between. I also had my first glimpse of being able to love a woman by loving her children. The Cache children are so beautiful...although pretty hyperactive!

Please pray that a woman I met yesterday will come back on Wednesday and that I can be a blessing to her. She and her family had just come and it was so nice to be able to laugh together about the Backstreet Boys! I am praying that God can use me to draw her into relationship with others at the Oasis.

Tomorrow is an evangleism program please pray for wisdom for the team and for the message to come across and be translated clearly. On Thursday I will go along to a children's program in another town. Also please continue to pray that God would bring clarity to how He can use me to reach His children among the Cache.

Thank you so much for your prayers and support, I will ask if I can take pictures or get copies of some others so I can show you when I come home. Pictures can be quite a sensitive subject so I will do my best!

Add 2 flights

2008-07-06T13:37:00.000-07:00

The rest of Spain was wonderful! Madrid was a bit cooler temperature wise and we found some really great restaurants and walked a lot. The parks and palace were very impressive. Overall it was just really nice to have a couple more good days with the family.

I arrived in Austria on Friday and was promptly wished a happy thanksgiving! After a bit of straightening out of the holidays we got on to a tour and dinner and introductions to the younger part of the team. Since then I have had a really nice time seeing Vienna and Baden with team members and look forward to day one of ministry tomorrow. It is really nice to already be connected to about half the team before that begins. Please pray for clarity patience and love.

More to come!

Campeones

2008-06-29T14:36:00.001-07:00

Wow! Spain has been fun and crazy, we started the trip with a ride in a $200,000 mercedes that has served the likes of kings and presidents and we just left an evening watching Spain beat Germany surrounded by a bunch of Spaniards. In between we enjoyed Granada and tapas, shawarma/kebab and the Alhambra in particular and explored a little of Sevilla. Spain is going through this incredible heat wave and we are under "orange" alert, which according to Dominique means don´t go outside between 2 and 5, no exercise in daylight and always carry and drink lots of water. We get to spend siesta (2-5) in Arab Baths tomorrow and then after a tea come back and meet up with Dominique. Lots of restful fun.

Before this I took my 4th flight of the summer from spending 5 great days with family in England. I think we had dinner or lunch at every pub in a 20 mile radius and we had fun in the country side. We saw sheep, castles, old trains, new trains, double decker buses and much more. My time is about to run out but I look forward to updating you on the rest of Spain and introducing you to Austria when I get there.

Much love to all :)

Leaving on another jet plane

2008-06-18T22:57:00.000-07:00

SO I am trying to count, I am taking an unreasonable number of flights this summer especially once I include layovers. So I think one way I will have you join in tracking my summer is how many jet planes I have left on. Tuesday I flew out of San Jose and then again out of Denver. Tomorrow I am pleased to say I will have no layovers! So Just one flight out of Atlanta and to London.

I am excited to be back on the other side of the ocean, eager to see my family and happy to hear the word "Cheerio" again. I don't think British people actually say it that much but my Aunt certainly does. We will hopefully take some trains, wander through the country side, stop at lots of pubs, ride a double decker bus, take pictures in front of memorable sights such as Big Ben and Buckingham Palace and maybe even enjoy being around each other. I have a feeling 5 days in the UK will be very short and hurried, but I hope that we will really enjoy it. I will try to update with at least one good story from the UK and a glimpse of what is next before mid next week. I hope everyone is having as much fun as I am!

Bobby Said

2008-06-16T23:05:00.000-07:00

Well, as many of you know I leave California tomorrow for 6 weeks of adventure and mystery. Okay maybe mystery is a bit too dramatic...point is I am hitting the runway. Rather than attempt to send scattered emails and overload the inboxes of those who are too busy to read periodic updates, Bobby suggested that I revive my dormant blog. So here I am working on some serious resuscitation.

Long story short, I think God is calling me to long term missions and I am going to serve with a team in Austria who reach out to refugees from all over the world. Some of the refugees are from places I am praying God might open a door for me to bring his love and message in the future.

Before I go to Austria though, I have the pleasure of going to England and Spain with my parents. I am so thrilled to share places that meant so much to me with those I love. So, if you need to find me, fly to Europe or check this blog.

With your prayers, maybe the Holy Spirit will even remind me to write on this crazy thing! Many blessings in Christ Jesus our Lord!

Hace mucho tiempo....

2008-04-10T00:05:00.000-07:00

So its been a while since I have written here and I think I am having sleep anxiety knowing that once I actually lay down that means I am very close to going BACK to school again. I know it is actually the same number of hours away whether I am awake or asleep so i should just go to bed.

Anyways, I've been up searching flights, does anyone have a superior option for flights to London than Kayak.com? Let me know, I am hoping to book soon. Luckily if prices stay the same I think my tax return will cover the cost of my flight exactly, not bad huh?

Okay, sleep it is.

And we're back!

2008-03-30T20:05:00.000-07:00

School starts tomorrow, so that's a thing. I am trying really hard to be positive and love these crazy little kids! There is an unbelievably short amount of time left and I am fighting with everything that is in me...okay that's a lie...restate: I should be fighting with everything that is in me not to give up on this year. 4 weeks until testing and 11 weeks to the end is still enough time to make an impact. I am fighting my fall semester urge to cry and panic attack and then get to work. I didn't cry when I got home, I started working. I've done some getting together and figured out the amazing technology for the second pilot so I think I am ready to face this week more or less. Tomorrow morning is definitely going to be some sad times in the copy room, but at least I already marked the pages of what to copy. I just hope my printer at school is working again.

Anyways, I guess I started writing because I needed to express how hard it has been coming back from loving life and frolicking in Texas and talking on the phone about Jesus with a large variety of people (okay...maybe just like 5 or 6...kind of large?) to thinking about forcing 6th grade standards down the throats of a bunch of kids who don't want it. I really need to figure out this investment for them and purpose for me thing. Because when we are really honest, who cares about complementary angles?

I really must reiterate how marvelous Texas and Cali have been for the last 10 days. At least I know I am going to Santa Cruz tomorrow AND Tuesday. And Wednesday is my birthday! Please send gifts*.

*Maybe your gifts would be tax deductible...I am kind of a walking non-profit??

What I think this day is all about

2008-03-21T08:16:00.000-07:00

There are times when faith and common sense do not align,
when hardcore evidence of You is hard to find,
and I am silenced in the face of argumentative debate,
it's a long hill it's a lonely climb.

Cause they want proof,
They want proof of all these mysteries I claim,
Cause only fools would want to chant a dead man's name.
I would be a fool for You all because You asked me to.
A simpleton who's seemingly naive,
I do believe You came and made Yourself a fool for me.

I admit that in my darkest hours I've asked. "what if,"
What if we created some kind of man made faith like this,
Out of good intention or emotional invention,
and after life is through there will be no You.

Cause they want proof of all these miracles I claim,
Cause only fools believe that men can walk on waves.
Maybe it's true. Yeah, but
I would be a fool for You all because You asked me to.
A simpleton who's seemingly naive,
I do believe You came and made Yourself a fool for me.

Unaware of popularity,
and unconcerned with dignity,
You made me free.
That's proof enough for me.

I would be a fool for You,
if You asked me to,
A simpleton who's only think of,
The cause of love.

I will speak Jesus name,
if that makes me crazy,
they can call me crazed,
I'm happy to be seemingly naive.
I do believe You came and
made Yourself a fool for me.

While He lived on earth, anticipating death, Jesus cried out in pain and wept in sorrow as He offered up priestly prayers to God. Because He honored God, God answered Him. Though He was God's Son, He learned trusting obedience by what He suffered, just as we do. Then, having arrived at the full stature of his maturity and having been announced by God as high priest in the order of Melchizedek, He became the source of eternal salvation to all who believingly obey Him.

He died without a thought for His own welfare,
beaten bloody for the sins of my people.
They buried Him with the wicked,
threw Him in the grave of a rich man,
Even though he'd never hurt a soul
or said one word that wasn't true.

Still, it's what God had in mind all along,
to crush Him with pain.
The plan was that He give Himself as an offering for sin
so that He'd see life come from it--life, life and more life.
And God's plan will deeply prosper through Him.

He took on His own shoulders the sin of the many,
He took up he cause of all the black sheep.

When Jesus looked out over the crowds, His heart broke. So confused and aimless they were, like sheep with no shepherd. "What a huge harvest!" He said to his disciples. "How few workers! On your knees and pray for harvest hands!"

Fool for you, Nichole Nordeman
Hebrews 5:7-10
Isaiah 53:7-12
Matthew 9:35-38

God is bigger than you think

2008-03-20T22:19:00.000-07:00

Fast day 7:

I call Jen. This is about how it went.
Me: "Have you ever had a moment that you feel like everything in your life was leading up to?
Jen: "Um, no?"
Me: "I pretty much think my entire life makes sense in light of what I found out last night"
Jen: "Okay? Good?"

Fast day 6:

I love Tuesdays. After Tuesday comes Wednesday, which is the middle and is early release day. The real reason I love Tuesdays is the our LifeGroup meets on Tuesdays. I may not have mentioned that this life group is very seriously changing my life and character. It is.

I call Rachel to see if I can show up early, and I do. And I get to talk to a friend of hers who oversees people who do exactly what I want to do, exactly what I feel God is calling me to do. As we talk I find out more and more that there might not be a person in the world better equipped to inform and direct me on how to get into this field. The obscure connections continue and explode to the point where I am overwhlemed by the joy of the moment when you finally realize that God is God and He knows what he is doing.

It is beautiful.

If you want more details you should call me, because as much as I need an outlet for all this joy...I can't justify putting the inmost workings of my heart on the internet. I think maybe I have to breakdown and go pick up my journal.

Fast Day 8:
I am going to Texas tomorrow!

Happy Easter! Christ our Lord defeated death, once for all!

Listening

2008-03-16T00:38:00.001-07:00

Just writing to say that I started fasting 3 days ago, and as expected God is surprising me with His love. This has been different than I expected so far, up til now I have pretty much just wanted to eat, but not so much feeling like I am anymore hungry than when I just fast for 1 day. Very interesting. I am realizing that space fills up just as quickly as you free it up. I am going to have to be more intentional about making space to listen over the next few days, although I feel like God has definitely been using my relational heart to speak to me.

It is funny how on Tuesday I was thinking that what I need to do this week to connect to God is just to talk to some people I love that I haven't in a while. I am just now putting together that Stephanie King and my grandmother both initiated catching up this weekend. Huh, God really is at work. All the time.

Good night to all. Quiet your hearts and minds, He is speaking. All you have to do is listen.

Spiritual Pathways

2008-03-11T23:28:00.000-07:00

Hm, we talked about ways of worshiping at LifeGroup tonight and I took a little test to help me see what ways I connect to God most. Mine doesn't look as cool as Bobby's but you'll get the point :)

Any thoughts on how to worship God through contemplation, enthusiasm and intellectualism this week? Pass em my way.

Is way too late, I'm going to sleep now. Good night.

Shawna -
Based on your responses to the Sacred Pathways Assessment, your temperament favors a Contemplative approach to worship.

Intellectual 21

Contemplative 24

Enthusiast 23

Caregiver 20

Activist 18

Ascetic 12

Traditionalist 18

Sensate 18

Naturalist 17

The information contained in this online assessment has been borrowed from the following book:
"Sacred Pathways" by Gary L. Thomas
© Copyright Zondervan Publishing, 2002
click here to purchase this and other books by Gary Thomas, from Amazon.com

Summary of spiritual temperaments:
Intellectual - Loving God with the Mind:
These Christians live in the world of concepts. They may feel closest to God when they first understand something new about Him.

Contemplative - Loving God through Adoration:
These Christians seek to love God with the purest, deepest, and brightest love imaginable. They want nothing more than some privacy and quiet to gaze upon the face of their heavenly Lover and give all of themselves to God.

Enthusiast - Loving God with Mystery & Celebration:
Excitement and mystery in worship is the spiritual lifeblood of enthusiasts. They are inspired by joyful celebration; cheerleaders for God and the Christian life. They don't want to just know concepts, but to experience them, to feel them, and to be moved by them. They like to let go and experience God on the precipice of excitement and awe.

Caregiver - Loving God by Loving Others:
Caregivers serve God by serving others. They often claim to see Christ in the poor and needy, and their faith is built up by interacting with other people. Caring for others recharges a caregiver's batteries.

Activist - Loving God Through Confrontation:
These Christians define worship as standing against evil and calling sinners to repentance. They are energized more by interaction with others, even in conflict, than by being alone or in small groups. Activists are spiritually nourished through the battle.

Ascetic - Loving God in Solitude and Simplicity:
Ascetics want nothing more than to be left alone in prayer. Let there be nothing to distract them--no pictures, no loud music--and leave them alone to pray in silence and simplicity.

Traditionalist - Loving God Through Ritual and Symbol:
Traditionalists are fed by what are often termed the historic dimensions of faith: rituals, symbols, sacraments, and sacrifice. They tend to have a disciplined life of faith and have a need for ritual and structure.

Sensate - Loving God with the Senses:
Sensate Christians want to be lost in the awe, beauty, and splendor of God. They are drawn particularly to the liturgical, the majestic, the grand. They want to be filled with sights, sounds, and smells that overwhelm them. The five senses are God's most effective inroad to their hearts.

Naturalist - Loving God Out of Doors:
The naturalist seeks to leave the formal architecture and the padded pews to enter an entirely new "cathedral", a place that God himself has built: the out-of-doors.

Southern Comfort Carry On?

2008-03-08T00:27:00.000-08:00

I finally followed Lia's directions, came home from dinner tonight and pulled up the news. I watched some election stuff then started looking for headlines. That's how I found out that a freshman at Auburn, from Marietta died this week in a shooting. At first I couldn't believe it, then as I read on and made connections to the campus and saw that she had been a supporter of Invisible Children and that is how her family wants the world to honor her death, all I could do was start crying.

It is so weird to mourn the loss of someone you don't know, but easily could have. I don't know if anyone I know has been affected by this but since its past midnight west coast time I certainly can't call anyone.

And then I read on in the headlines. At first what I thought were just multiple stories about the same Georgia student shot fatally this week turned out to be another girl. This one so much closer to my own age and life situation. She was a leader at UNC-Chapel Hill and likely would have been a great contributor to the world.

I guess I am just overwhelmed right now by the feeling of the potential to serve others that has been lost and the immense void and desire to cling to my Lord at all times no matter the cost. I want my story to be that I loved and served all, and that no one ever doubted that my strength and inspiration is Jesus who lived and died for me.

God give me love for others to live and die for their right to know you.

Abba, grant peace and draw a hurting people closer to you, that somehow you could be lifted up as the Great and only God even when everything seems crazy.

for more info check out ajc.com

Bad News Bears

2008-03-06T21:56:00.000-08:00

Lia visiting California = Happy Shawna

Stanford's crazy campus that looks like Europe = Happy Shawna

Going to David Crowder Band = Happy Shawna

Talking to my Mom and Uncle today for a total of 90 minutes = Happy Shawna

Not accomplishing anything I was supposed to today = Bad News Bears

Sick of being sick

2008-02-25T21:42:00.000-08:00

Today was the first day back at work and the kids have zero sympathy for my horrendous coughing fits. Its crazy how the day flies by but the weeks and months seem to be dragging on forever. But at least we are watching "One Fine Day" because Jess got it in the $5 bin at Target! Mmm, gonna cough up a lung, make some exit slips and get some sleep.

Offend like Jesus

2008-02-21T18:33:00.001-08:00

So I borrowed the book Starving Jesus from E. I figured since it inspired this Thursday fasting that we have going I might as well check it out. It is a pretty convicting book, but I am definitely having trouble deciphering what to do about the convictions it is creating. The chapters I read today were "Born again lazy" and "Offend like Jesus". Born again lazy pretty much met my expectations, talking about the hypocrisy we all see and continue in the American church. How we claim to be Christ followers but we prefer to sit back in the comfort of our routines and not really risk too much. These things I have been tracking with for some time now, whether change is actually happening in my life I guess you'd have to ask those around me.

Anyways, I've been on board with the idea of living sacrificially insofar as giving up my cash (tithes, supporting missionaries, whim of the Spirit or whatever else God might want to do with it). Then E kind of pushed a step farther and said, "hey, give up your comfort, stop eating for a day and use it to make a difference." I'm not one to knowingly turn the other way when a close friend has a word spurring me on toward Jesus, so I guess we've been fasting for like 5 weeks now. Just on Thursdays though, we're not up to the 40 day fast...yet. But yeah, so i've been doing that, but you know it is pretty easy to give and to fast without anyone else knowing the difference.

In comes this chapter...Offend like Jesus. Before you judge, the authors aren't suggesting offend for the heck of it. There are lots of ways Christians (and non-Christians) can offend people that have zip to do with Jesus. But they started talking about how the Truth is offensive, because it makes people realize things should change. They have this insight about how Jesus spoke Truth no matter the cost, and most people hung around despite whatever offense they felt. Maybe it is because Truth is just so good and lots of people are actually seeking truth, so even though it is kind of scary, they still want to be around it. As it turns out, one of the Authors, JR, became a Christian after some guy pretty much backed him into a corner (a kitchen in this story) and spoke truth. He told JR the things he was doing were keeping him apart from Christ, and apart from God you can't be happy. It didnt matter the Christian guy that JR might be offended, or might not want to hang out anymore, or whatever excuses we come up with for keeping the truth to ourselves. Recognizing that Jesus is the key to eternity and satisfaction, this guy couldn't keep his mouth shut. And yep, JR was offended, yep he was uncomfortable. The real crazy part is that after all this, the Christian guy says, so JR you need Jesus, pray with me.

Please help JR. Help him see his life. Help him to stop the things he is doing. Please let him see that the God I believe in loves him.

then he says, JR, repeat after me:

Guy: Lord, please come into my life.

JR: Silence.

Guy: Go ahead.

JR: (insincerely, quickly) Lord...please come into my life.

"like a shot of nitro, something went up my spine. I straightened up and my eyes flew open. I was staring at the ceiling when a warm flush came over me. I was shocked! I was like 'Get me out of here!'"

Now JR runs a ministry that reaches out to people most americans ignore even exist. He offends a lot of Christians, and a lot of people who never knew about Christ see him in JR's life every day.

Food for thought. Who I am not offending enough? Hm.

PS: If I am infringing on copyright by typing this story, I apologize to JR and Craig. Thank you for telling your story.

How do you respond when someone asks about TFA...

2008-02-20T22:36:00.000-08:00

It is kind of funny to try and crush the most terrifying, exhilarating, painful and eye opening 9 months of your life into a bite sized piece for someone else to sample and see if they'd like to try it on for size. This is my latest attempt at such a task:

To mystery friend of a friend,
Friend mentioned that you are considering TFA, if you have any particular questions definitely feel free to contact me. As far as overview/words of wisdom:

1) It is the hardest thing you'll have done to this point in your life
2) If you want to be a teacher it is a good choice
3) If you are just moved by the TFA publicity, would like something to do for a couple years to build your resume, are sad that kids don't have good teachers and wish you could help them feel better, or anything along those lines, donate to TFA and become a Big Sister. As a TFA corps member you are a Teacher, no ifs ands or buts. Teaching is hard, teaching your first year is harder, teaching your first year while doing credentialing is harder, and teaching your first year in a tough school while doing your credentialing without ever having worked with a master teacher is REALLY hard.

I don't want to discourage you, I just want to be clear. Some of my friends loved it from the beginning, some of my friends have felt so much better the second semester and some of my friends are only still here because leaving would just make it worse for all parties involved. TFA is a very personal experience, no one can tell you what it will be like for you, but it WILL be difficult and you WILL be a different person by the end of it.

Thats the end of my novel :) Like I said, let me know if you have any specific questions! Have a great rest of the week,

Shawna Walker